Tony's landing page for stuff
(I have never made a website before)
I play rhythm games and make things on the internet and also words are hard
I'm taking an indefinite break from tourney.
(a very rambly and ranty post)
I've decided to stop special tournament and revolver tourney for now, and for the forseeable future.
The main thing that was the tipping point in all of this was just... the realization that nobody had any major interest in tournament as a "community" hosted thing anymore. Nobody seems to have any real investment or care in Revolver Tourney or a lot of the tournament charts outside of a "grab bag and go" mentality, where peeps just play once and leave it at that; there's no major interaction in that channel nowadays, and the ones that do happen are usually people who have been there long enough to be an established group of friends in the community.
Working for Hajimeli games has also opened my eye more towards how... lacking this community feels in terms of investment, despite how much we've tried to speak about it. When I try and make special tournament more interesting with the whole of Revolver Tourney, powerups, custom graphics for the podium and such... it gets taken very, passively. And it started to make me wonder if it was worth it to continue making stuff for an audience that - at best - is just giving a passing thumbs up. And at worst... an audience that just doesn't care.
What's the point of running a thing that none of you give a shit about?
Call me selfish all you want, but the writing's on the wall. If I continue to provide for this community the way I am, I'm basically just running a one-man-show that nobody even buys tickets for. And that one-man-show costs money to run - or rather, my life to run.
And yet, there's no drive. You all care more about the reward I hand out than the actual experiences that I try and make. There's no satisfaction in trying anymore when I just know people are going to consume and walk away over and over and over again. The art is lost. The people want to mindlessly consume. You all desire that gratification more than anything else, don't you? There's no need for artistry or creativity when all you desire is a high score. Who cares about the value of art nowadays, when you're looking for the next chart over to beat, and to proclaim victory on.
...You desire the endless grind, to feast upon whatever is delectable without caring for anything else. You care not about how the sausage is made or where it came from, but only the fact that it's in your plate. And if you desire so... then let me help accelerate that process.
And that's why I feel like I should stop for now. I feel like a lot of this is just me talking very selfishly - and I probably am - but when I look at how this community was compared to how it was now... I can't say I like what I see anymore. To put it in a weird analogy, it's like putting white text on a white background. Nobody would see it, and nobody would bat an eye. And nobody will, if I've been observing you all for long enough. Not like you'd care about the worth of art or one man's plight when the new thing is just around the corner.With that, I think I've just about said my word. Because he will not be saying anything, any longer.
...nothing about this feels right to you, does it?It's not like him to just suddenly pull a 180 after devoting so much time into this. Especially with how much he's been shown to care about Cytoid and its community en masse.I suspect that the person you've been talking to isn't real. It's more like a skinwalker pretending to be him; someone or something who's attempting to sabotage what he's built in order to further the goal of leaving this place buried into the ground.
I refuse to allow that to happen. Not while I'm alive, at least.He'll be announcing the end of the special tournament in a week from now. After that, I suspect that this faker will leave it at that - as he's kept Tony locked up somewhere, where ever that may be.However, if I can find where he's been imprisoned, and send it to you in a way that they cannot detect... then he may be able to live to see another day.I don't have much time left to maintain contact before he notices that something is up, so I'll leave you with this:Thank you for continuing to participate in the tournaments and to Cytoid as a whole. I've been watching from the sidelines from a while now, and I've seen him be a much happier person than he was before, making things in order to keep this community alive and breathing even after such a bad hand has been dealt to you all.
He's done a lot for you, now's your turn to give him a hand.I'll return when the time is right.Good luck.And do not speak of me. If he finds out... I fear I may no longer have a chance.
I must thank you for keeping silent about my existence.
I now know that what I have been thinking hasn't been entirely based on illogical foundations, as what I've seen has proven to be true - someone wishes for this place to die, and I'm glad that you wish for it to be otherwise.
I have a feeling however, that I cannot stay here for long - as much as you have all tried to keep me secret, I'm afraid they might start suspecting that something may have gone wrong with their plans. Intercepting them was easy, but deleting any trace that they even were will not be.
If you feel like you're stuck in what I have given you thus far, I unfortunately apologize. Hiding information between the cracks is difficult when you're dealing with someone who can convincingly fake an identity... and when I myself am not aware of humanity's ways all too well.
But that doesn't mean that assistance isn't an impossible task. I can still help you... it will just take one more push.
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I'm traveling somewhere else again!
TL;DR, Watch the video below.So, this is a little unannounced and impromptu, but I'm basically going on another trip to somewhere else, and I have zero clue when I'll be back for special tournament. I'll still mostly be around, but I probably will not have the resources to do anything insane or impressive, since a lot of other stuff currently has my eye right now.I'm also really lazy, so I don't have any sort of video to prepare to tell peeps that I'm going away, so for now you can have this video that I recorded a little while back when I first went onto another continent.As for where I'm going, I'll leave that for you to figure out. You can have fun figuring that out while I'm on air....Although, there is one more thing. I have received a weird message from my airline that I was very confused by, and I was wondering if any of you could figure out what it means. I'll attach it to the bottom of the video as well, since I have zero fucking clue what it means.Have a good July!
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40 questions to ask yourself every year (Tony)
( Taken from Steph Ango's website )
1. What did you do this year that you’d never done before?
There's a lot that I've done this year that I just generally have done that I didn't - getting involved into music production, being able to make websites like these, learning the basics of Blender, but the one thing I think I've never done was... be involved in an indie rhythm game (vivid/stasis).
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions?
Never found them to be of any use, personally. I guess the general one I had this year was to just "be happier", in which case... I guess I did keep it!
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, no.
5. What cities/states/countries did you visit?
From the top of my head: Phu Quoc islands, and Sydney and Melbourne in Australia. I only liked the latter two.
6. What would you like to have next year that you lacked this year?
I'd rather not rule it out with a month left, but being able to have better leg stamina would be nice.
7. What date(s) from this year will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
September 29th, 2024. The day where I hung out with Koishukaze irl. It was fun playing SDVX and maimai with ya.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Being in vivid/stasis. To be more specific, being involved in a tiebreaker. That was really fun.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I... failed to be the person I could have been for someone. Someone that used to genuinely love me that now has since wished to cut contact and whom which I'll probably never see again. Hurts a lot, to say the least.
10. What other hardships did you face?
I haven't been all too kind to myself to this day; I still force myself to do things because I feel like I'm obligated to, and so the stress piles up, and I feel like genuine shit for not doing enough despite being sick or definitely needing to take a break. I've only treated myself with ambivalence, and not kindness.
11. Did you suffer illness or injury?
My feet have been fucking me over so much this year. It's a long story involving ingrown toenails.
12. What was the best thing you bought?
As of now, the Kiwi Design Battery Strap for my Meta Quest 2. The process of getting it was ass, but once I finally did get it and assemble it, it was... so worth it to have a comfortable and adjustable headstrap for Virtual Reality.
13. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Cheryl Stelli. It may be bias because she is the reason why I am even able to be where I am today, but she's genuinely done so much to the rhythm game community and part of Hajimeli that I think she deserves quite a bit more than what she's asking.
14. Whose behavior made you appalled?
There's a lot of candidates here - The American Populace for voting the way they were, some specific people whose behavior I find unsavory and overall not enjoyable to be around, but there was one specific person who, intentionally or otherwise, actively stirred up drama because I was living my life and had to delay some stuff. That was certainly an experience.
15. Where did most of your money go?
Cumulatively, Steam games during the Fall / Winter sale. But for the "most" in terms of price, it would likely have to be the HITECH NRG SAMPLE PACK + Zaphias Techcore Hardcore Future Core Sample Pack for 70$. (It would have been 95$ if I didn't use a discount code.)
16. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Porter Robinson's SMILE! :D album.
17. What song will always remind you of this year?
Porter Robinson - Hollowheart ft. Amy Millian. For WORLDS's 10th anniversary.
18. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder? Thinner or fatter? Richer or poorer?
Happier, thinner, and probably just floating steady.
19. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Music production. I barely had the time to because of the thousands of other projects that I wanted to take underway. I only really released like two songs this year and I wanna dabble more into it.
20. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Procrastinating. Having medically diagnosed autism and undiagnosed-but-likely-certain-according-to-friends-that-i-have ADHD makes it so I just jump back and forth a LOT, and I really wanna spend my time wisely that isn't just... being sporadic.
21. How are you spending the holidays?
Likely just chilling in my house having fun with friends! Jet Lag season 12 is out, and that's gonna be a month-long thing that I'm looking forward to.
22. Did you fall in love this year?
You are asking the aromantic this question. It's like saying "oh is the sky blue?"
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nobody. I may have disagreements, but the people who I hate will stay being despised, and those who are my friends will likely stay as such!
24. What was your favorite show?
Didn't watch a lot this year, but if it counts, Jet Lag: The Game. If not, The Getaway on Nebula. If also not, Chillin' in Another World with Level 2 Super Cheat Powers.
25. What was the best book you read?
Despite having Thus Spoke Rohan Kishibe and The Yakuza's Guide To Babysitting, I have not read either of those. But there is a "book" I enjoyed if we are counting non-physical media. It's on AO3 (Archive of Our Own), and it's "There's A Battleship on my Doorstep" by TitanslayrOG, which basically tells the story of the Azur Lane characters in a surprisingly realistic and fun depiction in modern life. It's a good read!
26. What was your greatest musical discovery of the year?
This one is a tossup between three different ones, so fuck it, I'll name them:
- VIRTUAL SELF UTOPIA SYSTEM. Basically the mid-2000s returned to modern day and I slowly came to realize that I in fact, fuck with it SO MUCH.
- SMILE! :D World Tour. Porter's ongoing live show with songs from all 3 previous eras done with a live band. As someone who has been following him for basically 80% of my life, this means a LOT to me.
- Madeon's Good Faith Forever Live. Unironically the best show he has done with all new versions of his old songs and modern ones with a surprisingly resonant story told non-verbally. This show inspires a lot of my visual styles and I cite it as one of my inspirations to this day. (Thank you Cheryl!)
27. What was your favorite film?
Inside Out 2, partially because it's the only movie I remember watching, but it also is just a really good movie about the struggles of being a teenager, late or otherwise. And also a surprisingly alright depiction of anxiety!
28. What was your favorite meal?
Omelette rice and vegetable soup that I get from a local place. I hope they keep making it well.
29. What did you want and get?
I wanted to make a mark on the world as a charter in a non-community rhythm game. To be remembered as a good one and to be someone who people can enjoy being around, even if it is just an identity of sorts. And now... I have. And nearing the end of the year, I believe that I will be able to see it through.
30. What did you want and not get?
To have a song in a mildly high-profile rhythm game, whether tournament or otherwise. It would have been really cool be able to show that off as a grand achievement, but I didn't have time to devote to it ;-;
31. What did you do on your birthday?
Went to the Phu Quoc islands and stayed in a villa. It was kinda fun to live a "luxury" life for a bit. They had an outside shower for some reason and I kept thinking how insane that was. Sad we never got to see anything interesting to me while there.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
To be able to duplicate myself, honestly. Being able to be in multiple places at once, all being me. Disregarding the philosophical implications, it just feels much better when I can be in multiple places and wear multiple hats at once without feeling like I need to constantly switch tracks.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion this year?
I no longer wear only white.
34. What kept you sane?
My friends? Like, that may sound simple, but they really did help ground me back to earth and kept me from losing it, whether from myself or otherwise.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you admire the most?
I do not know popular people. But uh, I do genuinely admire Porter Robinson, especially after the smile era. The fact that he was willing to show the sides of him that were more ugly to a crowd of tens of millions... I aspire to be able to live with that kind of comfort and confidence to the world.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
OH BOY WHERE DO I BEGIN.I think this one has to go with the entire thing involving Palestine & the Gaza Strip. Actual lives are being endangered, real human beings, and to see the US of A basically going "haha, no" to that genuinely makes me hate that country even more than I feel like in the first place. There are innocent lives in torment there. That should be more than enough incentive.
37. Who did you miss?
SHIKI. You were my introduction to rhythm games, and one whose songs I still hold deeply in my heart. Thank you for showing me a world that I would have never seen otherwise.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Axyraandas. I've basically only known you for a year at most, and even less so as a closer friend, but. It feels nice to have someone to talk to about the things that I felt less comfortable talking about to my friend group. I don't want to say much as we're still only recently been close friends, but... I hope you can stay with us for long. You're a good friend ^^
39. What valuable life lesson did you learn this year?
Follow your dreams, but not off a cliff. I can still be the me that I want to be without constantly trying to prove that I am. And that I can take breaks. And breathe.
40. What is a quote that sums up your year?
Don't kill yourself. You idiot.
- Porter Robinson, Russian Roulette